Hi, I'm Linde
I am a mother of these 2 monkeys, an Aware Parenting instructor and psychotherapist with over 10 years of experience in clinical psychology.
During this time I have learned that it is difficult for many people to admit and express their feelings. (And then we have not even talked about basic needs, because then we hear the thunder in Cologne!)
In our society, much more emphasis is placed on the cognitive, while emotions are often still seen as a sign of weakness.
I have seen countless people in my practice who struggle with themselves, without a compass and lost the connection with their intuition. They are insecure, self-critical and do not know what they feel or want. Many were raised in a permissive or authoritarian style, where children were not considered equal and obedience was central.
At some point, these children are expected to make their own choices, follow their own feelings, be confident and set boundaries, without ever learning or practicing how to do this. This emphasizes the need to put education and emotional intelligence at the center of our society.
"If we want to feel better, we need to become better feelers"
- Iain McGilchrist
Why Conscious Parenting?
We live in a world with endless waiting lists for mental health care. If we want to break the vicious circle of generational trauma, we need to invest in prevention!
In my work I help people to restore something that often happened a long time ago. But how nice would it be if this was not necessary?
This is possible!
By investing in Conscious Parenting & supporting parents in this!
Our society is seriously lacking in this and often puts extra pressure on parents. This leads to increasing (parental) burn-outs, depression, anxiety disorders, addictions, divorces and various health complaints. As a result, we see a worrying increase in diagnoses such as A(D)HD, ASD, fear of failure, low self-esteem, depression and even suicide in children.
It is time for change. By investing in education and parental support, we can reverse these negative trends and create a healthier, more resilient society.
The time for change is NOW and YOU can contribute to a healthier and more resilient society!
That is why my offer is also aimed at 2 groups:
1: Anyone who wants to work on themselves and is looking for a warm, safe place to do so.
2: Parents who are looking for support in raising their children or who also want to address their own patterns/process.
If we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
- Wayne Dyer
My working method
My guidance is an integration of my background in clinical psychology, psychotherapy, nonviolent communication and Aware parenting and my own experience as a mother and a human being.
Aware Parenting (A. Solter) is a vision of education based on attachment-promoting parenting, democratic discipline & recovery from stress and trauma. (read more)
I would like to guide parents through all the challenges that parenthood entails.
Many parents are looking for a different way of raising children than they were raised themselves, but because of all the conflicting parenting advice, they can no longer see the wood for the trees. Having a child often turns your life upside down. Becoming a mother or father changes us, which is why it is sometimes necessary to re-examine the whole picture and see if it still works for you. (themes)
People can contact me for both individual and couples conversations.
Loving Limits
When I first became a mother, I saw how intense my children's emotions could be and how this is a "full body experience". I realized that we as adults were also once closer to our feelings.
Thanks to Aletha Solter’s books, I discovered Aware Parenting. This approach helped me tremendously when I was struggling with my children’s intense emotions and rebelliousness. I experienced over and over again how powerful Aware Parenting is and it felt like the holy grail that everyone should know. This inspired me to become an Aware Parenting instructor. This vision turned out to be useful not only in raising my children, but also in my work as a therapist. It opened up a new world for me on so many levels.
My search for a different way of raising children than I had experienced myself was often lonely. I felt the need to share my experiences and questions with other parents who wanted to raise children consciously, but found few like-minded people.
This led to the creation of Loving Limits, an initiative that helps parents look behind their children's behavior and understand the real reasons for it. Loving Limits promotes the avoidance of punishment and reward, and focuses on acknowledging the underlying causes of behavior.
With Loving Limits I want to connect parents in a community of support and understanding, and provide them with practical tools to manage their children’s emotions and behavior. As a psychotherapist I see daily the long-term effects of suppressed emotions on adults, often confronting them with questions about identity and desires. My goal is to teach parents to trust emotions and use them as a compass in life.
Taking care of yourself creates the space to deal with your children's feelings & needs, and teaches them that all feelings are allowed to be there. Loving Limits supports parents in taking care of both themselves and their children.
Training courses
Master in Clinical Psychology (specialization children & adolescents) - Catholic University of Leuven
Postgraduate Integrative Psychotherapy (adults) - University of Antwerp
Emotion-Focused Therapy - Level I
Training in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia (sleep problems) - Belgian Association for Sleep research and Sleep medicine (BASS)
Aware Parenting Instructor Mentoring Course - training to become an Aware Parenting Instructor level 1
My Story
How it all started:
When I became a mother myself, I thought: I am a psychologist-psychotherapist, I know something about child development, this will be fine. How wrong I was! I hit the wall so hard, my insecurity came back to me like a boomerang. At times I felt like a powerless child again, and often didn't know what to do. I went into a cramp, became rational, and lost the connection with my own feelings. Another child later and in the middle of the corona crisis I reached my breaking point. I still remember the moment I thought: this MUST change.
My oldest son (then 4 years old) had done something wrong again and I had put him in the corner, because yes, that's what you're supposed to do when your child does something that's not allowed, right? And that worked well, the first few times. Until that smart guy realized that there wasn't much I could do if he decided he didn't want to stay in that corner. I had already made the corner visually clear by sticking tape on the floor, because that's what my education had taught me, that visual support could help. It started with a toe over the line, a foot, until he quickly sprinted out of the corner. Of course I started to fume. First I put him back in the corner. My son decided not to cooperate and let all his weight hang and struggled. Once he arrived in the corner he started sprinting. The chase was on, yes I had managed to grab an arm. I dragged him by his arm to that corner, he tried to escape again. I felt so helpless that I started shouting! I had to go so loud before I made an impact, because “he was not impressed!. I went so high, made him so small that he sat there shivering. Phew, did it!? That was short-lived, my little boy burst into tears, he was broken. He launched himself towards me and clung to me, begging for a hug. The question in his eyes was clear: don’t leave me, do you still love me? This was the last time, that corner was no longer used, this has to change! It can’t be the intention that I scare my child so much that I crack him to make him listen. No more fighting!
So I went looking for something else, but not something that was indulgent, because in the end I get so angry again when they don't cooperate that I end up becoming authoritarian again.
It became an enormously enriching search. I ended up with the ideas of connecting, democratic and unconditional parenting (Aletha Solter, Thomas Gordon & Alfie Cohen). I am so grateful that I got to know Aware Parenting and effective parenting. The podcasts of The Aware Parenting Podcast (Marion Rose Phd. & Lael Stone) have also been an incredible source of inspiration and knowledge.